A Person's Reality vs the Fairytale of Love...
I love this picture! For me it shows a different side to relationships that some seem to ignore. In this pic, I see a couple that has each other’s back. A couple that has become individual pillars of strength that support each other. Between the two of them their sight covers 360 degrees, ensuring nothing has a foolproof way of surprising them. It also shows the trust they have in each other’s ability to face whatever comes in the path they face, and the love they must feel for each other to decide to trust in the first place.
So many times I see pictures of couples deeply looking into each other’s eyes. Almost as if they were disconnected from everything that didn’t revolve around them. Being a happily married woman myself, I feel comfortable enough to say that those moments exist. However, life and the responsibilities that constantly swirl around it, don’t appreciate being disregarded for long. It can sometimes feel as if life actually wages war on you and your happy place if not kept in check.
Then again, that’s just my opinion. Other people with their experiences and views would come up with different sentiments over the picture and how love is perceived. This is one of the factors that makes the world so beautifully complex. But how do you truthfully teach your views to minds that are novice to the concept of love between a couple?
Recently my daughter asked me if her dad was my first love. It was one of those awkward parenting moments that you would rather skip and pretend never happened in the first place. Needless to say this line of questioning was a little uncomfortable, but she’s reaching the age where giving fairytale answers no longer works. This is how the conversation went.
Daughter: Mom, was Dad your first love?
Me: (long pause before answering) I kissed a couple of frogs before I found my prince.
She looked as if she would accept my answer, but disappointed that I somewhat side-stepped her question.
Me: (I let out a long breath) No, your dad wasn’t my first love. I had been in love once before, but it didn’t work out.
Daughter: Did that person love you too?
I hesitated for a second time, battling with what response I should give her. I again decided honesty was the best choice.
She seemed somewhat shocked by my honesty. Thinking back on it, I was a little shocked as well.
Daughter: Why did you deal with him if he didn’t love you?
I went on to explain that dating and love didn’t always coincide with each other. One person can feel it and the other may not. If it doesn’t match it will always lead to one or both people lying to themselves, confusion, and hurt. It seemed like I had unintentionally frightened her.
Daughter: Why do people worry themselves with any of it then?
Me: (Smiling) because, when it does work and it’s felt by both people, there’s no better feeling in the world.
Daughter: And that feeling you only ever felt with Dad, right?
Me: (Still smiling) Yes.
The disappointment she showed from the start of our conversation disappeared and it looked as if I was able to sprinkle a little truthful fairy dust in my realistic telling of my love life for her. I think I did pretty well this time, but there will be other times I won’t get it right. That’s where my husband will come in and fix what I can’t and vice versa. I don’t look at the world as if it's us against it, but we will tackle it together all the same. Just like the picture. I have his back and he has mine.